Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and body with grief.
Psalm 31:9
My heart broken, my body a pile of dust, tears covered every inch of my face, as my soul screamed in disbelief and piercing pain.
My incredible Christian Counselor, Dr. Karen Wilkinson, handed me this document below in generic form and it described the pain I could not put into words. As shock enveloped my mind, body and spirit, I rushed home and placed Paige's name in each and every spot.
I am forever grateful to God and Karen that I can now share this with you:
I wish my Paige hadn’t died. I wish I had her back.
I wish you wouldn’t be afraid to speak Paige’s name. My daughter lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my Paige, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt me. My daughter’s death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my Paige and you allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me. I need you now more then ever!
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my Paige, my favorite topic of every day.
I know that you think of me and pray for me often, I also know that my daughter’s death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things through a phone call, text, card, a note or a real big hug.
I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in two, four or six months. These first few months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my Paige until the day I die.
I am working very hard, so very hard, on my recovery but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my baby and I will always grieve that she is dead.
I wish you wouldn’t expect me to “not think about it” or “be happy.” Neither will happen for a long time, so don’t frustrate yourself.
I wish you understood how my life has been shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I’m feeling miserable. Please be patient with me as I am with you.
When I say “I’m doing okay,” I wish you could understand that I don’t “feel” okay and that I struggle daily.
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I am having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness, fatigue and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So, please excuse me when I am quiet, withdrawn, irritable or cranky.
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my Paige died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my daughter died and I will never be that person again.
I wish very much that you could understand…understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. Yet please understand that I also pray daily that you will never understand.
My hope and prayer is that you take "Mom & Pop's Wish List" and make it your own or make it for someone you may know. Reformat this with your loved one’s name and begin to experience the peace of Jesus as He comforts you while wiping away your tears. Jesus has never left my side and He will not leave you!
Jesus, please stay with each and every person who feels the pain of losing a child or any loved one. Hold them with Your compassionate, loving embrace. I ask that You continue to wipe their tears, as You walk with them hand in hand down this long road of grief. I pray and ask these things in Your name, Jesus. Amen.
"Mom and Pop's Wish List," formatted by Pamela Martens for Live to Love Ministries as the author is unknown.