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Pamela Martens

My Heart is Broken, Not My Head


Grieving parents are everywhere. We are not alone on this earth with our pain. They are in our churches, neighborhoods, grocery stores, pharmacies, work places, and post offices.

Generations of grieving parents that were and are being told, “In time this too shall pass, stop living in the past, she is in a better place, God must have needed another angel, keep on working, the pain will subside, suck it up, don’t cry, stop crying or the pièce de résistance, stop whining.” The list goes on . . .

Slowly and subtly, society taught the grieving parent to hide and muffle their pain. The grieving parent not having the opportunity to walk through the pain with someone they trust and someone that will simply listen; may unknowingly find themselves stuck in a time warp of never ending torment. Work may be a temporary “fix,” but returning home can be a living hell.

I understand these preceding issues all too well. People do not know what to say, so they ignore you, turn their backs, walk the other way, say something all too cliché, or totally “write you off.” This list includes everyone from casual acquaintances, best friends, and church family to clergy.

“Grieving people want to be heard, not fixed.” (The Grief Recovery Method)

My heart is broken, not my head.

The Grieving Parents Club was the Club I never wanted to belong. I never heard or knew of this club. Yet here I am.

An instantaneous bond God created lives within me now for all grieving parents. A bond of understanding that only grieving parents, together, can comprehend. We know this is not a “pity party.” We know we are not whining. It is grief. It is our grief. It is our lives now and we struggle daily to make sense of our loss. It truly is “the price of love.” Yet, I want you to know, it has become my blessing and comfort to be among all of you.

“…my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you.” Psalm 88:9

Now, this life is my Heavenly and heartfelt obligation to hold up all grieving parents in prayer. It is my calling to let you know, you are not alone. Jesus is with you, as He is with me.

This is my petition for you:

Jesus, please awaken the hearts and souls of those who do not understand my pain. Guide them past their fears, and grant them a listening ear and heart. For you understand God, how this unrelenting pain pierces my heart daily because You too watched Your Son die. I stand to praise you as the One and Only who will get me through every moment of every day. It is in your name Jesus, I ask and pray these things, Amen.

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